Have you ever found yourself staring for long periods of time at a hero crate, believing that you can will it to release the hero of your desire? Do you experience fits of rage when yet ANOTHER 60 frags of Operator is added to your account? Are you spending more than 30 minutes a night crying yourself to sleep over the fact you will never EVER get Brogan to gloriously drop into your lap when you open your next crate?
FEAR NOT! I am here to tell you that there is a whole community of us experiencing the same symptoms. We feel your pain and can help guide you toward salvation.
Alas, the time has come where I must break my silence and discuss my legendary crate rituals. None of which work.
Below are some of the techniques which I gladly share with the community here. They all completely fail at achieving my goal of getting either Brogan or Prophet but with just a touch of faith and a dash of hope, one day they will prove effective.
Stare intently at the crate for at least 10 seconds visualizing the hero I want to drop before tapping the crate.
Review the hero stats and story, imagining myself in their shoes.
Crack open a beer and pretend I’m sitting on the hood of a car with Brogan sharing war stories and laughing at the fool we just threw beer on.
Dress up as Brogan.
Sit in my backyard, hiding under a pile of my kids toys whilst staring down the scope of my sons NERF gun imaging I’m Prophet stalking my prey.
Rub Brogan’s belly as if he were Buddha in hopes that he will bring me luck before I open the holy crate.
Tap the crate and quickly put the phone screen to my head while I send mental waves of hope to the game.
Perform the sacred crate dance to the tune of Don’t Stop Believin by Journey.
Promise the HHG gods that I will name my third born son after a developer.
Sob uncontrollably knowing that my next crate will be just another 60 frags of Bolt.
Anyone else got some rituals they perform prior to opening a crate? I’m hoping one of these may lead to me finally getting my last two heroes!
Really wanted to put that in a post. Sounded better in my head though. And quit killing my dream man. How dare you tell the truth in a public forum. I just wanna catch em all!
Artemis actually came in my first 10x crate. Ever since then, I’ve hoped and prayed to Godlante and his fellow gods for Brogan or Prophet to no avail. My custom crate opened yesterday and got 60 frags for cross. I’m cursed.
I had one successful ritual tho it does requires you to experience a bad day
I lost my watch and when I went to play HH to take my pain away, Godlante gave me Arty
One time, I had to go to the bathroom really bad to drop the kids off at the pool and when I was sitting there waiting for them to get out, I busted out my phone, opened HH and cracked open a crate. I got frags for Elite Rifleman.
Moral of the story - don’t poop and play. It never turns out well.
So today marks the day that my ritual finally worked. I was ready to open my 10x crate. I looked at the heroes availabile for the crate, reviewed the probabilities, and then stared intently at Brogan. I then tapped his profile, stared into his one eye hard, and then closed my eyes, envisioning that I lay next to him on the hood of that car, chugging a beer while we both laughed about the pansy he just scared off.
I then clicked open and dread set in. One after another 3 star hero filled my screen. I was down to the last one and then suddenly my screen went white. My heart skipped a beat whilst my mind tried to register I had just unlocked a new hero.
The skies above opened up as Brogan heavenly floated to the ground. I’m pretty sure as his feet gracefully touched down upon the asphalt, angels could be heard singing from the heavens above. Brogan winked at me, gave me a thumbs up, and it said I unlocked Brogan.
So, I am now the proud owner of Brogan with only Prophet left to go. There you go folks, it’s now proven that my rituals work!